Doing Better

so far this year has been really challenging.

challenging but fruitful...

I know I've said it before but you never really know how crappy you feel or how stressed you are until you start to feel better.

Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I felt almost like I was heading in the right direction.

I said almost there... I know there will still be ups and downs but I knew that I would start coming out the other side, I just didn't know when...

A few things that I am grateful for this morning.

Grateful that I have started drawing again... after reading the books by Brene' Brown I decided that I needed to get back to creating things. I've been doing some small drawings of circles. They look like this...

When I was in Grad School and just fresh in the city of Chicago I would draw circles (it's what I do to calm myself down). I had forgotten how much It helped... it's been helpful again.

I am grateful for the techs at the Edmonds Breast Health Center at Swedish. Jamie and Barb made a stressful appointment a little less so. They were professional and very kind... it means a lot when you are laying there waiting to hear back from the radiologist as to whether or not you're okay.

I am grateful for my friend Rod who sent me a message the other day and asked me if I was okay. I gave him a bit of a rundown of what was going on. He lives across the country but he offered his "friendly voice" if I ever needed to talk. He also said that I was a "catch and a half". That makes me feel hopeful.

I am grateful for my friend Deb. We don't really know each other that well, but she's been a constant over the past few months. She told me yesterday that I was an inspiration. I am just trying to get through things to be my most authentic self. If I can help someone else that's an added bonus.

I'm grateful for finding a new faith community which will help support an already solid foundation of camp friends and my original church community.

I am grateful for others as well... my mom, my sisters, my puppies, Kristen, Barb, Erin, Ken, Bonnie, Mary Anne and Katy. There are many more people I could name but these are the ones who have been consistent.

I am looking forward to meeting with my new therapist this weekend. Some people may think I'm a bit whack nutty by talking about this but I think we need to talk about mental health care to make it less scary. It's not scary to want to take care of all aspects of your health.

This morning I am going to be meeting with my financial planner. She worked with my father and If he trusted her, I trust her. I talked to her on the phone on Tuesday and she helped calm me down about the financial aspects of my life... (I owe taxes this year and even though I have money to pay it I was a bit freaked out.).. I also was assured by her that I could spend my time off this summer and not worry about not being able to afford it.

I am going to hang out on the sofa a while longer and appreciate the upward trajectory...