Over the hump.

I made it past Wednesday. That's a good thing.

I keep moving... yesterday was a 5.5.  Considering Tuesday was a 4 that's good.

The past two nights I have decided to lay off the computer... I realized that I needed to get out of that habit for a while... I'm limiting myself to mornings only for a while. In reality I don't know how long that will last, but for the past two nights it has been a good thing.

Last night I taught my class and mentioned to one of my friends that I had had a bad day on Tuesday... I mentioned that I had cried a little bit. To this she said. "Don't do that" - "he's not worth it"...
first of all - I will cry if I need to... I'm not going to stuff my feelings inside.. I think I need to get everything out.. and I suspect that I'm not just crying over the whole boy situation, it's a culmination of a lot of things, the boy situation has only brought it to the surface... the death of a parent, the dog that can't walk anymore (her wheelchair came the other day),  the stress of work (people being sick, personnel changes)...  if I need to sit in the bathtub or shower and cry I will do it... I know eventually my good days will be better than the bad.. my heart will heal.

Second, he probably wasn't worth it, but he is my friend.. I'm not the kind of person who can just leave a friendship dead in the road. I'm not going to be all buddy buddy but I'm not going to cut him out of my life.  If friends are toxic - yes, but the only thing the boy did wrong was not communicating with me.

I would suspect that people looking at my situation from the outside think I might be overreacting but you have to realize that I don't let people in that often, and when I get hurt I feel things deeply.. I am not a robot.

I will feel better... I know it.