Progress

Good Morning.

I'm back for the day and here is my news.

I have turned the corner I think. Things are feeling more "right" finally.

I think a lot of this is the course of life, but also I have been focusing on my art more lately and I've started drawing and getting out and doing things.

I've met with my therapist twice and she's given me a lot of tools to work with and some good questions to think about. We talked about getting the balance right between my paying job, my artwork, and my relationships.. I've been neglecting the art area too long... just the act of taking up drawing has opened up other areas... I will share some of what I'm calling grief drawings in just a moment...

Other updates - I'm on my last day of prednisone - my cough is better - not completely gone though.. it sucks.

I have been asked to help facilitate a young adult retreat this summer (it should be good).

I'm planning my Birthday party.

I'm feeling pretty good.

Here are the drawings. I don't know the next time I will update, but don't worry, I'm not gone forever - just other things are taking precedence.

Still Here - Mini Hiatus.

I'm taking a bit of a break from posting I think.
I finished the climb in 12:52.39

didn't die, but I sure felt like my lungs were going to explode...

I'll be back someday soon... other things are taking precedence right now though..

Better Living through Prednisone?

in the ongoing saga of the cough that won't go away I will start taking Prednisone this morning to try to eliminate the rest of this cough that has been nagging for so long.

The first cold I had was back in the end of October... back when I was happily oblivious to the grief that was lurking underneath the surface... my non-relationship was in full swing and thought things were really good.

There were parts that were really good, but a lot has changed since then. Overall I am emotionally better, but I think once this cough is gone I can really get going on new things... (I associate my cough with John and I think once it's gone for good I will REALLY feel better)... I'm not a professionally trained therapist but It my non-scientific opinion.

The Prednisone might make me hyper and hungry... that's why I couldn't take it last night... I don't anything but hot flashes keeping me up at night.

Today I am getting my hair done for the Big Climb, then I have dinner plans... somewhere in between I might work on cleaning out my apartment more.. it looks pretty good, but it's an ongoing process.

Tomorrow morning I am slated to start 4th for our team behind two firefighters and a triathlete.

I was told that I've done a great job with training and that I should be proud of myself.

I am.

Maybe there will be a nice single man there to admire my stair climbing prowess and sweep me off my feet...

Too much to do, too little time.

Just a quick update.

Big climb is on Sunday - I'm at 1,395 in my fundraising goal.

I have another call into my Doctor to see about finally getting rid of my cough. It's at the throat clearing stage... I just want it to be gone. Maybe it's just allergies.

I have a date with my chiropractor this morning... crack crack crack...

This weekend I am going to get my hair done before the climb. I'm adding a bit of bling to my hair to match my outfit...

Last night I was feeling a little blue so I just hung out on the sofa and fell asleep... it was good.

I am hopeful that with the coming of spring my outlook will improve in all areas.

Being thankful for what I have...

Yesterday was strange... good, but strange.

My friend Deb works in the KOMO 4 news room and was there when the Helicopter crash occurred. She went into reporter mode and tweeted out some of the first pictures of the crash.

I didn't know anyone who was affected by the crash but it is one of those things that brings your life into focus. I need to appreciate what I have (which i do) and make changes to things that don't bring you joy and peace.

On another front - at the office we have made an offer to a new legal assistant and she has accepted contingent on her interviewing with another one of our attorneys that is on vacation. This should bring an end to the stress at work...  we have a new file clerk as well and she is whipping everything into shape and cleaning up stuff.  She reorganized the copy room yesterday... after my initial freak out I kind of liked the idea... sometimes we need other people to help clean out the clutter and get us moving again. Dilia (the new clerk) cleaned off my desk last week when I was at the Drs office and although it freaked me out - I like it. It' s kind of like my clean out of my apartment. It's letting me move forward... it feels good.

things are good... I have a lot to be grateful for.

Holding Steady...

Things are moving along alright...

I am starting to feel as thought I'm coming back into my own a bit.

There is something to be said about knowing that everything is going to be alright.

I've been doing a lot of drawing lately... I posted one the other day... it is nice to get back to creating things...

I don't have much to report but I think that's a good thing.

I am working on plans for my birthday next month and that's about it... oh, and I'm working on getting my finances in order... moving things around, trying to find ways to save more money into my 401k... I have faith that I will do it though...

Overall I am feeling pretty good. I like being able to type that sentence...

You're not crazy - you're just grieving...

life seems more manageable today.

I had a good appointment with my counselor and I am feeling better...

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep... I ended up on the sofa for a while and ended up falling asleep up there.

Hot flashes suck... but that seems to be the biggest of my problems right now. I'm okay with that...

Dinner tonight with friends. I have to take a nap in order to be able to stay up late enough...

Doing Better

so far this year has been really challenging.

challenging but fruitful...

I know I've said it before but you never really know how crappy you feel or how stressed you are until you start to feel better.

Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I felt almost like I was heading in the right direction.

I said almost there... I know there will still be ups and downs but I knew that I would start coming out the other side, I just didn't know when...

A few things that I am grateful for this morning.

Grateful that I have started drawing again... after reading the books by Brene' Brown I decided that I needed to get back to creating things. I've been doing some small drawings of circles. They look like this...

When I was in Grad School and just fresh in the city of Chicago I would draw circles (it's what I do to calm myself down). I had forgotten how much It helped... it's been helpful again.

I am grateful for the techs at the Edmonds Breast Health Center at Swedish. Jamie and Barb made a stressful appointment a little less so. They were professional and very kind... it means a lot when you are laying there waiting to hear back from the radiologist as to whether or not you're okay.

I am grateful for my friend Rod who sent me a message the other day and asked me if I was okay. I gave him a bit of a rundown of what was going on. He lives across the country but he offered his "friendly voice" if I ever needed to talk. He also said that I was a "catch and a half". That makes me feel hopeful.

I am grateful for my friend Deb. We don't really know each other that well, but she's been a constant over the past few months. She told me yesterday that I was an inspiration. I am just trying to get through things to be my most authentic self. If I can help someone else that's an added bonus.

I'm grateful for finding a new faith community which will help support an already solid foundation of camp friends and my original church community.

I am grateful for others as well... my mom, my sisters, my puppies, Kristen, Barb, Erin, Ken, Bonnie, Mary Anne and Katy. There are many more people I could name but these are the ones who have been consistent.

I am looking forward to meeting with my new therapist this weekend. Some people may think I'm a bit whack nutty by talking about this but I think we need to talk about mental health care to make it less scary. It's not scary to want to take care of all aspects of your health.

This morning I am going to be meeting with my financial planner. She worked with my father and If he trusted her, I trust her. I talked to her on the phone on Tuesday and she helped calm me down about the financial aspects of my life... (I owe taxes this year and even though I have money to pay it I was a bit freaked out.).. I also was assured by her that I could spend my time off this summer and not worry about not being able to afford it.

I am going to hang out on the sofa a while longer and appreciate the upward trajectory...

boobs are fine

I don't have a ton of energy to post a lot tonight...
after three more X-rays and an ultrasound my boobs are just fine.

The stress of the past few months (specifically the past three weeks) has come to be alleviated some.

I don't think I am going to have any problem sleeping tonight - hot flashes be dammed...

I will post more tomorrow.. or the next day.

What I know today... at 6:04am

yes... Daylight Savings Time.

Hot Flashes.

not a great combination but hey, that's okay.

Yesterday was fairly uneventful. I went to ww, did stairs, and then had a facial.

I was supposed to meet a friend to walk around the lake but we decided to postpone it due to rain.

I spent the rest of the day doing dishes, drawing and a little cleaning. I had a few moments of feeling blue, but that's okay... I didn't expect everything to be great and rainbowy overnight... I just have to keep moving through things.

Today we have class, church and more cleaning I think.

Yesterday I decided to add a little pizzaz to my hair for the stair climb - I bought a few hair extensions to add a pop of color to match my fancy colored pants that I'm going to wear. I am getting my hair done before the climb and they are going to add the flash! It's the least I can do.

Yesterday's climbing went pretty well. I'm feeling pretty good and my lungs are finally feeling better. I'm still a bit phelmy but I will be okay.

On Friday I took a bunch of photos on my way to and from work. I also went out during lunch. Here are a few to get you going this morning.