so....

I can't tell you the news yet because there was a delay... I am a rule follower for the most part so I feel it is important to have that integrity. I will tell you all as soon as I can. Some of you know already - but I just can't broadcast it yet.

I am tired as usual. Yesterday I was wandering through the garage looking at my things from my studio... I need to start making things again... I don't know if I need to make things or if just thinking about them is going to be enough... It would be nice if I could find a place to make things that I could afford (damn those student loan payments!)...

it would also be nice to have an apartment of my own.. a 41 year old woman living with her mother??? I know it's alright... I get along really well with my momma but I don't want to end up on an episode of Cops where they have to come in to break up a disturbance - and they find fifty assorted small furry animals that are my "boyfriends" because I had no luck finding one on my own.

That last comment leads me to the next thought.... online dating websites.... I have a profile up a few places and sometimes I get emails asking if I want to get together for coffee... I just can't pull the trigger when it comes to responding to these people. I AM A BIG CHICKEN! For someone who can go to the Today Show everyday and talk to celebrities I don't know what my problem is...
I think maybe I'm still in love with the idea that I should just randomly find someone on the street and fall head over heels in love with them but I know that's not that easy...

Oh well... I guess I should get going....

It all comes down to a dancing pickle...

I think I mentioned earlier that I had signed up for a free dating website. I received an email the other day from someone who called me "sweetheart". He said something about wanting to meet me and then he inserted a dancing pickle emoticon. I'm sorry, but I can't take anyone seriously with a dancing pickle.

I am happy to report that Stinky is feeling much better. The hives pretty much persisted all day and she was very uncomfortable. This morning she seems to be doing fine.

Today I have my interview and then I am stopping by to talk to talk to another attorney I worked for to see if I can help her out with some things.

I should be getting paid finally for all the ww meetings I've been working... it's only been about two months. Let's go check. Nope, no money yet, but Basic Health did get my payment and I will hopefully have some health insurance soon... do you know how long it's been since I've been to the doctor? I hope I'm not falling apart.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

my body is killing me. That slip and slide wrecked me. As usual it's the left hip and right shoulder... it's gotten to the point where it's waking me up at night. I also made a mistake and my chiropractic appointment isn't until tomorrow.

Sooo... on the dating front, I responded to some of my emails on the new site. I seem to attract very old men.. which is not necessarily a bad thing but... these are creepy old men. There was an average sort of fella who works on transmissions in Bellevue... maybe I should email him back. The problem is I don't know how to date... I'm pathetic in that sense.

Last night as I was channel surfing I came across the show on TLC called Big Medicine - it's about weight loss surgery. They were talking about a patient of theirs who looked terrific but still thought of herself as a buddy with guys because that's what she had always been. Now, when she was rejected she didn't have the weight to blame it on anymore and dating was becoming an issue. I hope that made sense as I explained it... to get to my point (and I do have one) I can totally relate to her thinking... I was large for so long it was a buffer... I still think of myself as the fat girl even though physically I'm not. I definitely think better of myself but it's been slow going even to get to this point.



Here is a picture of Julie and me (myself??) taken the night before I left Chicago (for those of you underage readers - yes, I was a little bit tipsy but I walked home and didn't drink irresponsibly)... that was one of my best nights in recent memory... I'm working on making other good memories it's just taking a bit....

Well, I better be off. I'm going to exercise with my friend Melinda today... the official weight when I got on the scale this morning was 147.5 (yikes)... I've just got to do what I need to do to get back down to where I need to be. I've been doing the emotional eating hard core for the last few weeks and it's time to stop.

The day after...

I was going to try and be good and not overdo it when it came to eating yesterday.

I failed. but it's another day and I will get back on that horse and try to ride it out of town... (that sounds sort of dirty..).

I have one thing to say to people out there online looking for love. Please know how to spell and run a spell check before you submit anything for public perusal. I'm not going to go out with you if you can't spell "very" or differentiate "they're" and "there" or "you're" and "your".

Today I am washing dishes at church again. I will go to the gym and work out... I have to work off that Peanut Buster Parfait I ate last night....

What the???

Okay so nothing too exciting to talk about here... it's another week of trying to track points... trying to make myself go out and meet people... trying to get a little action (okay - so I exaggerate on that last item of action)...

I revised my profile on Yahoo Personals and opened it up for people to see. I have had a lot of views but I am not going to fork over money so I can talk to people.... there was a cute guy with tattoos on his calves who looked at my profile. I looked at his... if he were to email me I might spring the ten bucks (or whatever it is) to talk to him.

or maybe I'll just go stand on the corner with a sign that says "date me".