Moving through it...

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness the past few days.
There has been a lot of time for me to experience self-reflection and examine my feelings of disappointment in what has transpired over the past few days.

I didn't really like the anger that I was feeling and decided that I would focus on looking forward and not thinking about how things didn't work out... spending time with people who love me unconditionally (my friend Michelle suggested this - I think I was already doing it... but it helps to be reminded) and being as loving as I can be to others so they can reflect that back to me.

I have been very vocal on Facebook about my internal struggles over the past few days... I think that's all part of the artist/writer/storyteller in me... It's a way of processing things that will help me get through the other side of the disappointment. I have gotten a bunch of good suggestions and resource material from my friends. One of those resources was given to me by my friend Dawn in Chicago. She suggested I look at the work of Leo Buscaglia... he was a professor of education at USC and was big on the Lecture Circuit in the 70's  - 80's... He is all about positivity and love...

He was big on being kind and loving to others and his work resonated with me particularly well yesterday.

I found this series of youtube videos helpful yesterday... it's dated but the message is good.








There is a particular part that he talks about a woman in one of his classes where she had this realization that "she was a really good plum" and she was trying to make herself into a banana for someone who really liked bananas... but she would never be the best banana... she could only be the best plum she could be.  And if she was the best plum she could be, she would eventually find someone who really liked plums.

I am going to be the best plumb I can be.

In other news...
Zoe the wiener dog is going to get a wheelchair.
I still have a cold but it's getting better and I might be able to jump into Lake Washington tomorrow.
I'm getting my side view mirror replaced today.
Mom and I are going out to dinner tonight.
I weigh less than I did in High School.
My apartment is a mess again...
I activated my ok cupid profile and a 26 year old asked me out. I haven't gotten back to him yet.
I have the best friends in the world...

Processing...

I haven't felt this crappy for a long time.

Getting dumped sucks.

I didn't have a defined relationship - remember we were just "hanging out"... I thought things were different though... I assumed things. I should never do that.

I won't say that I regret going throughout this - because it did bring some very good feelings and moments this year... feeling good about myself, feeling as though I was attractive and desirable by someone of the opposite sex... it helped me express myself more, and communicate more openly.

I didn't get the desired result.  Oh well, what can you do?

I just have to go on and deal with things as they come.

I'm thankful that I didn't fall head over heels and give my heart away (although I did have feelings that were more than just a fling sort of thing).

I am strong and I will be okay, in fact I will be even stronger...

I am reminded that I have a lot of really good friends and family members who love me and want the best for me.

I will be okay.

Well That Didn't Go as I Expected...

I got dumped yesterday.

It doesn't feel that great but I will survive.

You may recall that I had been "hanging out" with my friend John - it wasn't overly serious, but I had a good time spending time with him and I thought things were headed in a good direction (which I think they were)... but they didn't.

Oh well. I am if anything resilient.

On top of being dumped I have a cold and didn't sleep that well....

It should make for an interesting day.

I am going to the salon today to get my hair done and my legs waxed AND a Mani-Pedi... me time! I just hope I can stay awake through the whole thing.

I am slo supposed to go see a movie this afternoon... We will see if I can make it.

I suppose I should get a move on. I am going to weigh in this morning - it should be good being that I lost all of my desire for food after the dumping...

Oh well... I just have to move on right? Right!

Pillow Pet for the Win

Here is my report from the Holiday.

I made it.

Not anything too thrilling happened - although I am the proud owner of a Hello Kitty Pillow Pet.

okay, I take that back... maybe these things weren't thrilling but they were different.

On Christmas Eve I waited around the office for my new laptop which never arrived (oh well)... at least it was a gift for me and not for someone else.

After waiting around I went to my best friend Malyn's house for dinner. Malyn and I have been friends since the third grade I think... her grandma was one of my first Camp Fire group leader.

Every year on Christmas Eve (when she's lived in the State) she has people over to her place to play games and eat etc... I have gone a few times but have only ever been able to stay for a short while due to other family duties. This year I got the full deal. It was nice to be able to do what I wanted to do and not worry about whether or not my Dad was being taken care of... We played games, had a nice dinner and then I got my very own stocking. I haven't had a stocking in years... a few years ago (6??) we quit doing presents - except for the kids... it was nice to get some things... I'll admit I like getting presents but in the past years I just have to buy my own.

Oh well - overall it was great.  After I left there I went to Church for the Christmas Eve service where My mom, sister and I lit the Advent/Christ Candle.  It was nice and small and it was good to see people I haven't seen in a while.

Yesterday I woke up at a reasonable hour and went for a run around Greenlake. I then went for my annual Gingerbread Latte at Starbucks.  The girl at the Register remembered me from my Thanksgiving Gingerbread latte (it had been her first day)...  I paid $20.00 for my gingerbread latte - it's the least I can do for people who work on normal day off so that the high maintenance coffee drinking public can get their fix. It was also really nice that she remembered me. I haven't been to that Starbucks since Thanksgiving.

Later on I went to my momma's house for breakfast and laundry and then later to my sister's house for a casual dinner. My niece Katie gave me a Hello Kitty Pillow Pet... how fun... I also got a calendar of hot guys with pets... it's pretty funny.

Overall it was good.  A lot different than years past but it's good.

Here are a few photos of things...

Parump pum pum pum....

Here I am.

I'm not sure when I last posted but I'm sure I was probably not in the best mood... I'm feeling better for the most part (minus rolling my ankle last night walking down the stairs).

Time is winding down - I should probably get some of my shopping done today if I want to get with the program. I just have the kids to take care of and my momma is getting a gift from the dogs. That's it.

I went to University Village yesterday to take care of things but it didn't materialize. I did manage to pick up a few things for myself... that is never a problem.

Thursday we had our holiday party at work... I  got a very nice bonus which has enabled me to buy a new laptop and ipod for teaching my class.  I also got a good raise for next year... I think I will survive.

Today I teach class and then I am going to meet my sister and niece at Spud for lunch. I should clean up around my place but who knows if that will happen.

I am having dinner with my friend Patti so that will be nice. I'm just an eating out fool lately.

Yesterday I did stairs - I didn't yet have my assignment so I just went from bottom to top about 11 times plus a few extra because I spent some time talking to one of the people from my ww meeting who does stairs as well.

This morning I got the REAL stair assignment.... I am glad I can't do it... It's rough. I am going to do it sometime this week but not right now.

I am thinking that I will get an early start and head out to Target before I teach class...

MUST FINISH COFFEE FIRST!

Mixed-bag sort of week...

It's been a roller coaster of a week for me.

Good, bad, ugly crying....

Overall I am doing okay though.

I survived our holiday party last night. It was fun...

I received a very nice bonus yesterday as well... it's nice to know that you are a valued employee - I was told that the office wouldn't have made it without me. It has been rough.

I took the opportunity to order a new laptop this morning - also a new ipod for teaching. My eyesight is such that I need a bigger screen to see things.

Less than two weeks and the Holiday season will be over and I will get back to the grind. Overall though it hasn't been too bad.

Over the course of the year I have really learned that all I can do is worry about myself and take care of myself... I have no control over other people and things. When I work on that it is easier for me to function day to day. It's been a process but it's coming along.

2014 should be easier (I hope)... I have my family and my friends to help me through the good and the bad times...

Happy Birtdhay Dad!

Today would have been my Dad's 87th birthday. I sure hope he's having a good day wherever he is (I'm sure it involves a martini and a long drive while listening to some jazz on the stereo).

I am ready for this year to be over... it's had it's highs and lows... I'm just ready to move on a bit...

A lot of big changes have happened...

I can't say more than that. I'm feeling okay today... I've been a bit out of sorts. I think it's the Holidays and the lack of the parental unit among other things...

We've got a lot going on this week at the office - I need to get a move on soon. We are hosting a mediation today so I have to make sure our office is presentable.

I have four more classes to teach this year and then I'm done... that's kind of exciting... I'm looking forward to working out on my own and doing more stair training. The stairs are kicking my backside and I like it.

I don't know what else to say this morning.

I'm waiting for January 8th, 2014. Perhaps someday I will tell you the significance of that day but right now it shall remain a secret...

What weekend?

It's Sunday night and I've finally got a chance to sit down.

It's been a whirlwind weekend but it was good... let's see what happened:
weight watchers - down 2 pounds
stairs - ouch (but I'm kicking it when it comes to training).
Home to change.
Drive to Edmonds to pick up clothes.
Pick up the parental unit and drive to Olympia.
Watch the Nutcracker (with my nephews and brother-in-law)
drive back to Seattle
Drop off momma.
drive home.
sleep.

Wake up
Drink coffee
teach class
drink more coffee
watch football
do laundry
buy Christmas tree
take a walk
Decorate tree
run out of lights
make dinner
eat dinner
go buy more lights
finish tree
do dishes
sit down..

here I am

I think that's about it...

I'm sorry I don't have more to report...

Firm Holiday party is this week on Thursday (Canlis).

ummmmm..... that's it.

I am a nerd.

Another of my nerdy tendencies is watching award show nominations live...

this morning I have the live stream going for the Golden Globes nominations.

Perhaps it will stir something in me to watch more movies... I would like to see more, I just never get around to it.

This morning I am up early to go to the Chiropractor - I was supposed to go on Monday but there was a scheduling mixup so I get to go today for free!  I'm having a bit of an issue with my hip. I think it's from hopping up stairs a week and a half ago.

Yesterday was a bit challenging for a bit... I've been missing my Dad a little bit, and feeling a little overwhelmed with work and life in general.  Nothing unmanageable... overall I'm still in a really good mood for the most part.  It's just been a long, stressful year.

This weekend I am going to Olympia to see my Nephews and Brother-in-Law in the Nutcracker. It should be fun.

I will update more later, but now I have to watch the Golden Globe's nominations! Nerdville here I come!

Another Week, Another Attempt to Fake It

Here is the most important news this morning... Last night I found the cycle certification I have been frantically looking for the last few weeks (all this after I spent $$$ on another online Certification).

That really chaps my hide... oh well, what can you do?

I don't have much to report this morning. It's another week, another attempt to get my act together... I am feeling my stair training this morning... It's mostly in my calves, but my core is a bit sore... although I complain about things, I am enjoying the results of the training... sure, there's the sense of accomplishment of doing things out of your comfort zone but what I really like is that it's tightening up my core/midsection.... In the past I've always been a little squishy in the midsection but this stair stuff has got everything tightening up.

I've been fighting off a cold... I'm a sneezing queen - but of course I'm not sick enough to stay home... any way I've got too much to do... the life of an over-achiever office manager...

I think that's it this morning... let's cross our fingers that this week goes a little bit smoother than last week.

What a week it was!

I don't really know what to say about the week past.. I don't even remember the last time I posted.

Let me recap quickly...
Wednesday Dentist (good bill of dental health)
Got to work, phones didn't work.
Was threatened with termination if I didn't find my cycle certification (I didn't find it, did an online certification - $109 later I'm good)
Thursday - Bathtub night - fell asleep before 9pm
Friday - Day from H-E-double hockey sticks...
got into work to find that there had been a flood in the construction space next door.. it seeped under our wall and ruined our hardwood floor in our lobby - needs to be replaced.
Overall the day was just busy - nonstop action.. good things happened though - I was told that I had to bring an extra 20 pounds to my stair training this morning (it kicked my backside).. I also got to go to a Birthday party for my friend Marjorie.. I even stayed out past 10pm.

This morning I did the stair training and It kicked my backside... I have lofty goals in my brain about breaking records... I also have to admit that I am researching buying a weighted vest... (who does that?)...

Right now I am dog sitting while my momma is out for a meeting. She'll be home this afternoon. I have the opportunity to work on my website (I have a new one in the works) and do laundry... all the while spending some quality time with the puppy dogs.... I even successfully expressed Zoe's bladder onto a piddle pad! I found that to be very exciting.

Tonight I may go to look at the weighted vest at Big 5 Sporting Goods.. now that sounds like fun.

At some point this weekend I need to clean up my apartment... it's been torn to shreds by me looking for my cycle certification... I need to put it back.

I think that's all I have to report right now... I'm going to hunker down and snuggle with the puppies.

Still here.

This whole working for a living is for the birds.

I am ready for another vacation...  My only complaint this morning is that my knee hurts. It's not a normal type of hurt thought... it's where the screw from my old ACL surgery is. It woke me up in the middle of the night. I think it's the cold weather that is causing the pain.  Everything else is fine - I just hope it quits hurting (it's a burning sort of feeling)...

I don't have a lot of updates. I don't know how Zoe is doing since I didn't call my momma yesterday. I guess no news is good news.

This morning I am off to the dentist for a teeth cleaning.. I've been stepping it up with the water pik so hopefully things look better in my pockets. (gum talk)...

That's all I know...

Vacation Week Comes to an End...

Nine days off sure goes fast.

I could use another nine days I think.

What do I know?

Zoe the dog had to go back to the Emergency Vet for a skin infection she has... (cross your fingers that she gets better)... she still can't walk on her back legs.

I did stairs like a mad woman yesterday. The drill involved hopping (my knee hurts now).. no permanent damage but I think I need some advil. I'm going to be a lean mean stair climbing machine...

My hoarders closet looks like a studio now.

I survived Ikea this afternoon - got in got out... all for under 50 bucks.

Overall vacation week was what I needed. No firm commitments, I did what I wanted to do - slept in until at least 6am each day... that's a success if you ask me.

A few more weeks I will get a few more days off - sounds good to me.