Consider Funding This!

This is the project that my friend Jenna is producing. She's the girl in the bunny suit that I took photos of a few weeks ago.  She has gotten her piece into the fringe festival in New Orleans and needs to raise funds to get there.  Take a look at the video and consider backing - thanks! You can click on this link to donate!

What I know today.

I don't have much to report this morning. I actually woke up with the alarm this morning, but unfortunately I didn't sleep great. It wasn't bad, but I did wake up a few times over the course of the night.

I continue to be in the good mood (or less bitter as my friend Matt says) and I think it suits me - although I find it to be a little exhausting right now. I think things will even out eventually.

I want to go back to that bitter statement... I don't necessarily think I've been bitter in the past, just snarky and pessimistic... a little bit of a smart ass... don't get me wrong - I will always be a smart ass... just the good mood Jen is a smart ass a little less often.

This weekend I am sitting at an art show at bumbershoot - I'm looking forward to it. Good mood Jen may actually hang out and watch acts and have fun while she's there as well.

Good Lord, what has gotten into me?

Rain

I woke up to the sound of rain falling this morning.

If you aren't from Seattle you may not know that it's been a relatively long streak of good weather this  summer.  It's been in the 70's or 80's for the past few months.. well, pretty much since this first week in July I can really only remember two days of rain.

The leaves are starting to change, the sun is coming up later, going down earlier... my year has been full of changes and I think they are going to keep coming..  I welcome the opportunity to grow and discover they joys and sorrows...

the rain signals change... a good change I think

Nothing good happens at 4:45...

My brain started working at 4:45 so there was no point in staying in bed.  Actually it started working at a little before 4 but I managed to stay in bed a little longer than that. I suppose I can always crash later.

The good mood/exhaustion continues.  I talked to my friend Michelle yesterday (she's a therapist) about me being tired all of a sudden and she thought that it could be an aspect of grief.. she recommended a book for me called Five Ways We Grieve... I am going to check it out from the library... it might help with some insight which I think is good.
I'm not overly worried about the whole thing - I'm just going to go with the flow and let things come when they do...

So... I do have a report from my Big Brother Clothing party that I had on Sunday... not a lot of people came but we had a good time and my apartment is clean.  I found a good "hanging out" outfit... I am supposed to be "hanging out" with a member of the opposite sex next week.  I am not 100 percent sure on the definition of "hanging out" but I am going to be sure to wear my new jeans that make my butt look good.  One thing I do have is a pretty good backside from all the cycling I do.

this is what the jeans look like

that's kind of creepy - just seeing the bottom half of a body in jeans..

Here's the top I got... isn't she pretty? My arms are a bit bigger (but muscly)... no chicken arms here...

Perhaps if I put the photos in different order they might look better....

yeah - that looks better.....

okay  - enough with the layout of the clothes...

I also ordered a "fleather" skirt.  It's faux leather in case you were wondering...  It's pretty stinking cute... now just as long as I can keep my hammer toe in check and wear cute shoes with everything...

Okay - back to the "hanging out".... I just did some non-scientific internet research and I think I'm going to call this a date.  still not 100 percent sure but what the hell... I guess only time will tell.

at least my butt will look good...

I really don't know too much more than this today... I could expound on the whole Miley Cyrus VMA thing but that's so 24 hours ago...  All I can say is she won't be wearing those outfits once she has kids and stretch marks...

word.

ouch.

I ran around greenlake twice yesterday - ouch.  My core is sore but I guess that is okay..

I didn't get a lot of cleaning done yesterday but that's okay - My place is in pretty good shape.  I am tired... I don't know if it's the change in energy but that's okay - as long as I get enough sleep I should be fine.  I have gone to bed before 9pm both Friday and Saturday night.

My good mood lately has gotten me feeling more grief/sadness regarding my Dad... I'm sure it's all related. Being open to feeling good also lets all those other emotions that have been tucked away for a while seep out... I start thinking about how happy I am and then I think about how Dad would have liked (or does like) how good I am feeling, and then I get all weepy... it's okay though... I like knowing that I have feelings.  After Dad died I kept thinking to myself that I should be more sad, or more something..  I think things had been difficult for a while and I had neatly packed up all of my emotions into their little compartments just to do deal with the situation... it is only now that I am starting to see some changes in my life that those compartments of feelings are being unpacked at different times... three times this week I've actually had to grab keenex... I don't mind the puffy eyes that result from the crying.  I'm sure there will be quite a few more times when I have to deal with that problem... I'm okay though.

I like the good mood I've been in.. I'm trying not to overthink it. 

Life is looking good.

Dad 1975 - San Diego Zoo

Good Night Sleep

It has become apparent that being in a good mood wears me out.  I had to go to bed before 9pm last night.

I started finding myself wandering into the kitchen and randomly putting things into my mouth. At this point I decided to go to bed instead of risking any weigh in this morning.

Today I need to finish up my apartment organization and get ready for the party tomorrow... I've done some rearranging so things aren't so crowded in my living room.  I do have to go through the drawers in my bedroom dresser to weed out some clothing I don't wear anymore.  It's a process... 

I think my fingernail wound from Last Saturday is healing.. I think I just got it caught on something and punctured it - it's not bruised but there is some blood dried underneath it.  It's not photo worthy so you are safe.

Yesterday I got my new passport in the mail. I also received a copy of the AAA Journey Magazine which had a picture of the Basilica of La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona.  If that is not a sign I don't know what is.  I had just been talking about going to Spain earlier in the week.  I don't know - but there are a lot of signs about a lot of things recently..

I think I shall wrap up now... I have a lot to do today.  If anything exciting happens I will be sure to let you know here first!

same old, same old....

I bet you thought I was going to say that I was back to being cranky.
I'm not.

It's been a good week and I'm glad.  A couple of times on Thursday I was asked "where is Jen and what have you done with her?".  I've been in that good of a mood... there are many contributing factors.  My place is clean, work has settled down, my renewed passport is in the mail.... I've also had some good conversations (with a boy) which have me feeling really optimistic about what's up next.

Today I think I am going to hang out with my friend Matt at lunch.  We will wander and talk about things... I am looking forward to that too!  He's one of my best friends...  I love him.  He has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders.

This weekend I have a full schedule again... ww, facial, cleaning more, getting my apartment ready for my big brother clothing party on Sunday...  and the Seahawks play tonight. 

Next weekend I am going to volunteer to sit at an art show at Bumbershoot so that will be fun.  Both Saturday and Sunday... I may try to go see Tegan and Sarah and Alt J while I'm there as well... it's a good way to get into Bumbershoot and not have to pay.  I get to help artists out and meet new people. 

Some day I will tell you about the divine intervention I had with my Dad.  I think I may have mentioned it but I think he's helping me out from the other side.  I miss him, but I think he's still with me.... someday this will get it's own blog post, but for now we will just leave it at that.

I will now take my good mood into the next cup of coffee and my last day of work for the week.

Still feeling good... (I know, right?)

The good mood continues which is good.

I don't think I've had this long a string of good days in a long time. I am just going with it.

I only have one complaint - my hip is a bit out of whack so I've lined up a trip to the chiropractor tomorrow morning... I had a bit of trouble falling asleep last night because of it.  I managed to get a good 7 hours in though.  The previous night I had a little trouble sleeping - but that was for other reasons I won't get into right now (no - don't get the wrong impression here... )


hmmm.... I've been waiting for rejection letters to come from Zion National Park and The Betty Bowen  committee... maybe I shouldn't be so negative... nothing has come yet - but there is always time.

Now that I am beginning to get rid of some excess furniture around my place and getting things out of my studio (things that don't belong there) - perhaps I can start working on things again... it's not that I'm not ever working on things -- I'm always thinking about making work, it just doesn't materialize into anything... I've got a bunch of slides that I want to create slideshows around... it's all an idea in process but it will come together - I'm sure of it.

Ah.... the possibilities are endless.... good times.

Good Mood continues - What?

I continue to be in a good mood.

good good good...

good.

The exterminator came yesterday and the sugar ants are in their death throes on my bathroom floor.  I'm feeling a bit sorry for them, but not too much.

I had a good conversation with a friend last night and I'm feeling surprisingly upbeat AND I've been asked to help direct a young adult retreat next year which I am considering.  It's nice to get out there and stretch my boundaries.

I have decided to purposefully be optimistic about things.  My life is full and I feel good.

More details later.

How long will it last.

Sunday found me in a good mood again..
I hope it will last.  Last week I tried to be a little bit more positive on a few occasions.  It worked for the most part.

I have managed to get my apartment in some sort of reasonable shape and I'm feeling pretty good about it. I still have work to do, but I think it's a start. 

My pinky is feeling better - I don't think I'm going to lose the nail which is good - it was looking so cute too (post manicure).  I did manage to ream my elbow (same arm) while I was doing laundry yesterday afternoon... it's bruised but it will be alright.

I managed to figure out some of the photos I took on Thursday night..  here you go. (Actually you have to look at the flowers I bought at the farmers market first).

I will do my best to remain positive this week.  Some attorneys are on vacation - some return from vacation... I plan on not working too hard...

I didn't like that pinky nail anyway...

Today I decided to clean my kitchen and bathroom.  I mean REALLY CLEAN my kitchen and bathroom.  As I was scrubbing my kitchen floor I managed to catch my pinky nail on something and bend it most of the way back (or perhaps I just stabbed underneath it on something) either way it was a gusher...  It doesn't hurt a lot but It's hard to type without messing up any words..

I have to use my pinky to hit the return key and the delete key.  I use the delete key more than you will ever know.  It's sad.

I will see how it feels tomorrow.  Not that I can do anything about it.

Tomorrow I am going to work on my bedroom and living room... it's still a bit messy but it's not dirty.. I am working on weeding things out and getting rid of things so I can move around better.  It feels purging things.

Tonight I am hanging out watching the Seahawks game.  People keep saying "you like football?" and I'm like duh... of course I like football.  I don't watch any games other than the Seahawks but I still like it.

People just haven't been paying attention.

I think that's it tonight.  I will sit back and watch the game.

URg

Well - I made it.  Here is what I know.

Treats this morning.
Ate (half) a burger the size of a baby's head yesterday.
Took some nice photos of my friend Jenna down at the Seattle Center.
Ant guy coming on Monday to get rid of my friends that have returned.


This weekend I am going to clean (this time I mean it).  My place isn't actually bad, but need to recycle some papers and organize clothes.

I am really really tired. I got into work at 7am yesterday and didn't get home until 8:30...

Here are a few of the photos I took last night. It turns out that I deleted some of the photos I took of Jenna (I have more but it will take me time to get more downloaded).

that's it - I have to be at work at 8 so that they can take photos of our space.

Groovy.

Two Sides

I am pretty good at handling busy situations at the office, but I also really just want to scream at the top of my lungs and tell everyone to take a flying leap sometimes....

I am trying to remain positive about everything but I'm just going a little bit crazy...  Today we have a mediation so I have been busy getting things put together so we can present a professional face. Not that I've been worried, it's a just a little crazy.  I am going to head in early to get everything set up.

There are also other things keeping me busy at work... people wanting me to buy things, asking me questions about things I know nothing about, making me cranky...  Sometimes I think I need a new profession.

Yesterday was my four year anniversary at the office...  maybe I'll make it to five.  Next summer I'm planning on going back to the Vermont Studio Center, but I'm going to drive across the country to get there... hopefully I will be able to take six weeks off, if not? Oh well... we will just cross that bridge when we get to it.

Three more days and then it's back to the weekend.

well...  hmm... I have no idea what to do now...

perhaps I will just finish my coffee...

Staying positive!

I am trying to trick myself into thinking that things are great!

I am having a hard time trying to find joy in my job momentarily... I will just fake it til I make it.

We have a mediation going on over the next few days and I need to pull it together and do what I do best.  Be an excellent host and make sure things get done...  and try not to punch anyone.

I woke up at 4:30 but managed to stay in bed until 5ish.  Hopefully I won't crash later on.

Here are a few photos from the wedding - they aren't great, but that's okay... some of them are self portraits...

the last one is fuzzy - but it's proof that I can hold a baby.  That is Tristan, he is three months old.  His mom is a friend and former camper of mine. 

I did not drop him. That's a plus.

Back to it!

It's back to work for me today. I'm going to go and I'm going to enjoy it!

Yesterday I did not usual, taught my class (I almost barfed because I worked so hard, delivered a head lamp to my friend Michelle for her to borrow, then did laundry and walked around Greenlake with my friend Bonnie. I also went to Target and bought some under the bed storage bins so that I can get some of the crap out of my closet and under the bed.

I am going to organize this apartment if it kills me! I just need to figure out what I don't need and to get rid of it.

Now we come to the part of this blog post where I talk about divine intervention... I can't get too specific but I'll give you a general idea about what happened.
I was feeling a little bit down last night and I decided to talk to my Dad (yeah, he's dead but I still talk to him once in a while)...  I said  something to the effect "Dad, I don't know if you can hear me but if you can will you please do this?" Well, guess what? just a few minutes later exactly what I asked for happened.  Yeah, it's hard to get the full context of things, but you get the idea.  I am positive that my Dad is around me and looking out for me.  It makes me feel really good to know that he's there.

I ended my three day weekend on a high note.  Thanks Dad.

This week it's back to the usual. I do get paid so that's cool...  I've got a trip to Las Vegas in the works I think... that might be fun.  Nothing definite just yet...

That's all I've got this morning...  blog to you later!

The Aftermath

The wedding last night was very nice (and I looked great!).

It was nice to see some of my camp friends. I had a good time eating too! I ran along side the no sweats bandwagon by eating some ice cream and wedding cake... it was worth it though.

I really enjoy not working... I mean really enjoy it.

I don't really ever want to go back..

I have done almost absolutely nothing when it comes to cleaning up my apartment... Okay, I've done a little bit but I have a long way to go...

The good news I have today is that I have one more day off!  and I got a lot of compliments on how I looked last night... here's a photo.

I realize that this is just a profile and it wasn't taken at the wedding...

Here's one photo that was taken at the wedding - they had a photo booth and I posed with my friend Debbie.

Yeah - it was fun...

maybe someday I'll have a wedding... but at the rate I'm going I would highly doubt it. I can't even get a stinking date.

Day off.

I slept in until 7:45 this morning... it was nice.  I thought I had turned my alarm off but I didn't so I was awake at 5:45 but managed to sneak in a few more hours after I turned it off... 

Today is going to be low key.  I am planning on some beautification rituals (mani/pedi) and I have to go shopping for a wedding present and card.  I have to be on the east side at 5pm so I think I will leave my place at 4ish.

I think I may hop up to Greenlake for a run soon... I need to exercise a little bit if I'm going to eat wedding reception food tonight.

I like a good wedding..  this is what my horoscope said today.

Today is an 8 -- Learn from an innocent. Give your appearance extra attention, and results win appreciation. Recharge your batteries. Sort out your resources. Put a sweet spin on your sales pitch. It's empowering. Bake cupcakes, maybe.

Okay, I've already recharged my batteries, I'm going to take extra care getting ready for the wedding (I'm going to look cute!), and the rest?  Cupcakes?

Oh well, it can't be all perfect (the horoscope/life continuum)...


I think I shall finish my coffee and see about squeaking in some exercise...

Challenging day

For some reason I found yesterday to be really challenging.

I don't know why exactly but things just were aggravating me.

The job is not pleasing me at the moment and I really feel the need for a break either in terms of a very long vacation or something...  next Tuesday is my four year anniversary at the firm.  Maybe it's the four year itch.

Today is my Friday so hopefully it will go smoothly... This weekend is going to be fairly low key (I hope)... maybe I will be able to shift my focus away from the crankiness that has snuck into me.  Things were starting out so well this week.

Last night I picked up my dress for the wedding tomorrow - I'm looking forward to a day off tomorrow to get a little break.

The plan for tomorrow is to get a mani/pedi first thing so my toes at least look cute... then I may clean up the apartment a bit and then get ready for the wedding... I suppose I will work out at some point but I'm not sure when. I plan on doing nothing too challenging... I'm looking forward to it.

Here is a little pep talk for anyone who might need one..

go team!

semi-challenging day

Yesterday was interesting... I have come to find out that I have limited patience with people sometimes.. it was challenging yesterday. I am trying to stay positive (and keep my good mood going but it's hard).

There is a person in my life who is very very sweet, but she drives me batty! I was going to swear there for a second but this is a PG rated blog... this person is nice, but their mannerisms just drive me crazy. It's like a gnat that won't leave you alone!  ARGH!!!

okay - rant over.  I would rant more - I just feel bad when I start complaining.

Yesterday I tried on my brand new Spanx.  I don't know what I did before these?  Why did I wait so long? Wearing them is like wearing the lead vest at my dentists office (I really like the comforting weight of it all)...  and it kept everything in check! woot woot...

This evening I am going to pick up my new dress which I'm wearing to the wedding on Friday (that's why I bought Spanx)...   aye aye aye - everything is coming together!

I just have to make it through the next two days of work and then I'm home free for the weekend!

That's it... I've got nothing left in me this morning. except for ire and fire...

What's going to work? Teamwork!

I have made it to Tuesday.  My good mood persists (for the most part) with the exception of having limited patience when it comes to certain people in my immediate area... I can't elaborate more - let's just say I am ready for something new.

I am really looking forward to my day off on Friday. I have successfully rescheduled some appointments and have a relatively free weekend (woot woot)... I suppose I will figure out something to do with my time... I just have three more work days until I get there...

Yesterday I got my act together and sent in my passport renewal... my application has been sitting around my office for about six months and I figured it was finally time to get it renewed (since I can afford it and I just got my hair done for a new photo)...  Who knows where I will go.  Maybe I should start planning a trip somewhere... it would be fun to take a real vacation.

oh to dream...

That's all I have this morning...

Spanx Me.

I am going to a wedding on Friday. I needed a control garment. I bought spanx.

My thighs should be in check.  Whew... 

Yesterday I had a change in plans... I got rid of a few pieces of furniture so my apartment is beginning to look a little less cluttered... then I was supposed to go for a walk but those plans got changed... I decided instead to go Nordstroms and pick up the spanx I ordered instead (and I took my camera)... I will post photos at the end of the post.

I was in a really good mood yesterday... it's been so long since I've felt this good I don't know what to do with myself...  While I was at Nordstrom I also picked a few new undergarments (they were on sale and everyone need good fitting undergarments... am I right?  Yes I am.)

I am hoping this week goes pretty fast... I don't have to work on Friday because of the wedding - I am going to go work out and then I am going to go out and get a mani/pedi first thing (for the wedding).  Who knows what else...

The weather is supposed to hold out I think.

I hope the good mood continues... here are photos of flowers and things (the usual)...